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Strategies from psychologists, how to move on from someone.

Updated: Aug 30, 2023

Contemplating the process of moving on from someone is an experience that transcends cultural, geographical, and personal boundaries, making it undeniably universal. The intricate web of emotions woven into human connections ensures that nearly everyone, at some point in their lives, grapples with the challenge of letting go. This shared phenomenon resonates across diverse backgrounds and circumstances, uniting individuals through a common thread of vulnerability and resilience.

The universality of this journey arises from the fundamental aspects of human nature. Emotions, connections, and the intricate interplay of hearts and minds are core components of the human experience. Whether in the throes of a romantic relationship, a close friendship, or even a familial bond, the emotional investment we make creates connections that shape our identities. Consequently, when these connections are severed, the repercussions are felt deeply, underscoring the universal struggle to disentangle from the emotional web woven between individuals.

a couple breaking up, moving on a relationship
Relationship and moving on from break up

"Exploring the Path to Healing: Navigating the Aftermath of Heartbreak with Insights from Jen Surch "

The experience of moving on from someone is a universal journey, yet it often feels remarkably isolating. On a scale ranging from mild discomfort to agonizing pain, the anguish of a broken heart falls heavily on the side of "absolutely awful." Most individuals have found themselves in this emotional terrain, pondering how to transition forward or seeking the best way to conclude a relationship. While an impervious emotional shield isn't feasible—unless one happens to be a non-feeling automaton—there exists a route to traverse the ordeal, even if, in the current moment, it appears impossible to regain happiness.

In the aftermath of a breakup, understanding the mechanisms of the mind and enhancing one's mental processes can offer valuable support. Jen Surch, a distinguished sex therapist, relationship Counsellor, Understanding the Neuroscience of Pleasure for a Smarter, Happier, and More Purpose-Filled Life," emphasizes the significance of comprehending our inherent human disposition. She explains, "It's crucial to recognize that our capacity to derive pleasure from close bonds and endure heartbreak is deeply ingrained within us. The most ancient segment of our brain, shared across mammals and numerous other creatures, comprises a network of brain regions known as the panic/grief/sadness system. This system activates when we undergo the loss of a significant relationship."

 brain  Neurons
Our brain processing feeling of loneliness

Jen Surch elaborates that this means our bodies can palpably experience the physical and emotional aftermath of a breakup because our brains innately consider relationships, along with the sustenance they offer, as fundamental for survival. She adds, "When triggered, this panic/grief/sadness system triggers distressing symptoms reminiscent of withdrawal: aching within the heart, profound sadness and desolation, persistent contemplation, remorse, and a waning zest for life. It's vital to remember that heartbreak and the ensuing grief are not abnormal, but rather integral facets of our emotional nature. They represent the shadow side of our life-affirming capability to foster affectionate and close bonds."

"Why is Moving On Difficult? Understanding the Challenges of Letting Go"

Navigating the aftermath of a relationship's end can prove to be a formidable task for everyone involved. Yet, there are instances when it appears as though you're bearing the brunt of the emotional strain, while your former partner appears to have transitioned effortlessly. This prompts the question: who experiences greater pain post-breakup? "The answer varies from person to person, but the one who suffers the most is typically the one who was deeply committed,"

"How to Free Yourself from Thoughts of Your Ex and Navigate Emotions"

Regrettably, the ability to switch off emotions entirely remains beyond our grasp. this is an inherent facet of being human, an essential part of our makeup that defines our experiences. "Our emotions hold profound significance; they must be acknowledged and processed in order to traverse them," she explains. Rather than attempting to mute emotions, consider these constructive steps to manage your thoughts about your ex and the associated emotions:

  1. Acknowledge and Embrace Your Emotions: When a relationship ends, an array of emotions can surge within you, Jen Surch emphasizes that this phase can mirror a kind of emotional trauma, jolting your system. She underscores the importance of treating yourself kindly and allowing these feelings to surface. Recognize that these emotions serve a purpose—they can serve as guides through tough times, but their potency is harnessed only when you allow them to be felt and subsequently released.

  2. Grant Yourself Patience: Healing takes time, and the process of moving on is not instantaneous. Grant yourself the space and time to work through your emotions without imposing unrealistic expectations. Every individual's journey is unique, so refrain from comparing your progress to that of others.

  3. Constructive Self-Care: Redirect your focus toward self-care practices that replenish your emotional well-being. Engage in activities that grant you joy, provide relaxation, and nurture your self-esteem. Engaging in physical exercise, creative outlets, or spending time in nature can significantly contribute to your emotional recovery.

  4. Seek Support: Don't hesitate to lean on your support network. Friends, family, or a therapist can offer an empathetic ear and valuable insights as you navigate your feelings. Sharing your emotions can provide a sense of relief and offer different perspectives on your situation.

  5. Limit Contact and Trigger Points: Reducing contact with your ex and minimizing exposure to reminders can help ease the process of detaching emotionally. Unfollow or mute their social media profiles and create physical distance if necessary.

  6. Focus on Personal Growth: Use this period as an opportunity for self-discovery and growth. Channel your energy into pursuits that nurture your individuality, interests, and goals. Cultivating personal growth can help shift your focus away from the past and toward a brighter future.

In essence, while emotions remain an integral aspect of being human, managing them effectively allows you to transcend the hold they may have on your thoughts and pave the way toward healing and new beginnings.

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